


Snupiny Goodness, witch

by Bonfoi



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe, Community: lupin_snape, HP: EWE, Humor, M/M, Rating: PG13, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-03
Updated: 2012-04-03
Packaged: 2017-11-02 23:50:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/374732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bonfoi/pseuds/Bonfoi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Severus reads the latest thinly-veiled story about their supposed lives…and he’s not amused…at least, not until Remus gives him something to think about.</p>
<p>A Snupin Santa 2010 Thank You</p>
            </blockquote>





	Snupiny Goodness, witch

§¤§¤*§*¤§¤§ 

**_ Disclaimer:_** The world of Harry Potter, its characters and settings are the copyrighted works of J.K. Rowling, Warner Bros., her publishing companies and affiliates. No profit was made from the writing of this story nor was any malice intended in any way, shape or form to the author or the actors/actresses who so brilliantly have brought them to life. 

This author is not responsible for underage readers. Please observe the ratings, warnings, and age of legal consent for your country.

§¤§¤*§*¤§¤§ 

The wand was ebony, fourteen inches and springy, not whippy at all, polished ironwood. It had a swirl of silver—braided unicorn hair plucked from the thorns of a winter rose—from the base to the halfway mark. There was a gouge, like an open wound at the halfway mark, the core pulsing every time someone—not the owner—touched the wand.

Olliphant remembered crafting it and then storing it for years until the boy—peaky, with stringy hair, a sullen mouth, and delicate fingers—came in. He remembered the joy that suffused that sallow skin, the sparkle that lit the dark eyes as they opened in wonder when he wielded the wand for the first time. He still had the spell-burn marks on his ceiling that looked like a waterfall from that first time.

As the War Memorial Museum closed for the night, a docent hurried Olliphant along, startling him out of his memories and musings. He bid a fond farewell to a masterpiece of his craft, wondering how he could have believed its wielder was truly evil. The docent held the door open for him and bid him a good night. Neither one looked up nor saw the shimmer of something silvery slipping in just at door height.

As the candlelight dimmed for the night, the wand began to hum with energy. A silvery fog wafted into the room and circled the display where the wand rested. The wand rose into the air and into an ephemeral hand.

The wand grew wispy and then became part of the silvery fog. It swirled around the display and then floated over to another wand. This one was thirteen inches long and of thorn-apple wood, knobby and reddish. It had small runes for Health, Protection, and Stamina carved around the base and several Celtic symbols, some that looked like wolves, running in a wave from base to tip. The ephemeral hand reached forth once more and stroked a smoky finger down the wand. An amber glow surrounded it as a soft howl arose. The ephemeral hand withdrew slowly and the howl died away.

The night watchman peeked around the corner of the hall, toward the Heroes’ Exhibit, and watched the nightly ritual. This time, he hadn’t been drinking nor had he been sneaking his kid brother’s mushrooms; he was ready with his camera—good ol’ camera he’d had all through Hogwarts—and he snapped a quick series of pictures.

An unholy racket came from the silvery form as the flashes went off. The thorn-apple wand fell off the display and rolled away. A fierce wind blew up suddenly and Clive Creepy felt the hair on the back of his neck rise.

“No! No! Keep away!” he whimpered. 

The silvery fog grew thicker and greyer and swooped down onto Creepy and then veered away. The air shrieked around him as exhibits crashed to the floor. When the outside doors blasted open, all that was left was a shaken night watchman, a mess, and two display cases missing their wands: the wands of Siberius Snoop and Romulus Vulpine.

§§Ж§§Ж§§Ж§§Ж§§Ж§§Ж§§

Auror Porter sniffed the air in the museum. He hadn’t been there since the laying of the foundation stone. The displays still standing were actually tasteful. But when he walked into the Heroes’ Exhibition, he caught his breath.

The stark plinths and stands were simple carved stone from all over the United Kingdom. He stood and stared at the two displays: Siberius Snoop’s was of polished granite, grey and white, and somehow fitting, while Romulus Vulpine’s was almost blue, iridescent if you squinted and there were fossil shells teeming within. He shook his head and turned to the Aurors who were first on the scene.

“Auror Porter, we found the night watchman, a Clive Creepy, moaning in the doorway. He said he’d noticed strange things happening after-hours for a week or so.” The Auror, a cousin of Flinchly-Fetch, gestured to the side with his chin. “Blighter’s barmy, sir. Kept gibbering on about Snoop’s ghost stealing the wands.” He turned over Creepy’s camera and Porter almost flinched. “Says he got pictures.”

“Get the film developed and analyzed,” Harmon Porter said. “Has anyone done a plain _Accio_ for the wands?” he asked. The other Aurors flushed, none of them looking him in the eye.

“Oh, for the love of—! _Accio Siberius Snoop’s wand!_ ” he shouted. Nothing happened and the other Aurors relaxed slightly. Porter narrowed his eyes and glared at them. “ _Accio Romulus Vulpine’s wand!_ ”

The thorn-apple wand zoomed out from under another display to slip effortlessly into Porter’s hand. The other Aurors looked everywhere but at him and the wand in his hand. “Dunderheads,” he said with a sigh and rolled his eyes. “Sometimes I can almost understand Snoop’s attitude,” Harmon muttered.

§§Ж§§Ж§§Ж§§Ж§§Ж§§Ж§§

Severus finished reading the latest _roman à clef_ and cringed. Granted, his life—and Remus’—had been filled with adventures and resurrections, but they had never been so…so gaudy!

“Lupin!” he shouted. “Those people are at it again!” Severus pinched the bridge of his nose, forgetting he’d taken to wearing spectacles to change his appearance.

“Severus, you have got to see Teddy’s latest! His wand work is so much like yours, if we get him a set of robes like yours, he’ll be your spitting image!” Remus’ proud voice preceded him down the stairs, his left eyebrow orange and his left cheek orange, white and black-striped like a tiger’s pelt. 

“Now, what’s all this yelling about?” Remus held his wand tip up and slowly rubbed it over the left side of his face, muting but not removing Teddy’s handiwork. He winked at Severus and then bent down to give him a chaste kiss on the lips.

“Those…those people are making up stories about us again! Out of whole cloth!” Severus fumed. He crossed his arms and scowled down at the book on the table, “The Ghost of Siberius in Love” by Snupiny Goodness, witch.

“Oh, you found it!” Remus laughed. He picked up the book and flipped to a part farther along and then handed the book to Severus with a wolfish grin. “You should read this part, love,” he literally purred. “I think I’m flexible enough…” Remus turned away with a grin and began gathering the tea things. 

Ten minutes later, Severus’ chair scraped back across the wood flooring and Remus was suddenly turned into his lover’s embrace. “You want to do that?!” Severus asked in a shocked, but interested, voice. “You’d let me…?” He licked his lips, a blush seeping up from underneath his collar. He leaned forward and whispered into Remus’ ear.

Remus nodded enthusiastically and then moaned as Severus’ hands worked under his jumper and shirt. “You know we have to…wait until Harry takes Teddy…this weekend, Severus,” Remus whispered brokenly. He lifted his chin so Severus could better suck on his Adam’s-apple.

“Can’t come soon enough for me, Lupin,” Severus growled against Remus’ throat. He straightened up to press a heated kiss on Remus’ gasping lips and then stepped back, smoothing his hand down his robes in a obscuring spell to hide his pleased response to Remus’ suggestion. Severus cleared his throat. “I’ll get Teddy ready for his outing.”

Remus watched his lover walk away and then grabbed the book off the table. “No sense ignoring this!” he muttered under his breath. When Severus and Teddy came through the kitchen on their way outside, he threw the book into the breadbox.

“Da, we’ll be back soon!” Teddy called. His hair—dark and fine, like Severus’—peeked out from under his cap. “Daddy Sev’s going to show me where to find holly!” The little boy bounced at Severus’ side as Remus bent to kiss his nose and usher them out.

Teddy was through the door and patting at the fresh snow on the railings when Severus stepped back and leaned against Remus. He whispered, “If you read anything more interesting, I’ll expect full details tonight… _after Teddy’s been sent to Potter’s_.” He nipped Remus’ earlobe and left in a swirl of black robes.

Fanning himself with one hand, Remus leaned back against the kitchen counter. “Merlin bless you, Snupiny Goodness! You’re a boon to our sex life, you are!” he said with a grin.

§¤§¤*§*¤§¤§ 

_~~~ Comments, like rain in the desert, are greatly appreciated.  
Thank you for reading. ~~~_  



End file.
